A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress.
"Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."

"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."

"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."

The General interrupted again, "Private! Get me my brown pants..."


An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post.
During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks.

He asks the soldier showing him around, "why is that camel there?"

The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get frustrated if you know what I mean. When they do, they use the camel."

A month later the Captain is himself sexually frustrated.

He puts a ladder behind the camel, climbs up, drops his trousers and starts having sex with the camel.

The same soldier who had shown him around earlier appears, so the Captain asks him, "Is that how the men do it?"

The soldier replies, "No sir, they usually ride it to the next village where the women are."